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I wanna cosign what TheM3eds said and also emphasis that you are literally twenty years old. you ever play undertale? know burgurpants? if not you're this guy https://www.gamersdecide.com/sites/default/files/authors/u141624/burgerpants.jpg you should try to get rid of this idea that you've missed out on anything in life by now and remember that you have so much left of it to live, or else you will just depress the hell out of yourself and not get anything done. you can literally do anything with the time you have (other obstacles in life besides age notwithstanding). the messages that you are picking up on are bs almost tailor made to make you swallow a poisonous black pill (ie, incel shit), dont worry about it. and on that last part about "failing" your "natural functions". That's also incel shit. You have failed nothing. Some people dont even want kids, or even want to have sex and their is nothing wrong with them. theirs nothing wrong with you either. you're not some mutant that isn't living up to the proper standard. you need to kill whatever sexed up poonking you have dreamed up in your mind to idealize and compare yourself to unfavorably and think about who YOU really are, what YOU really want out of life, what YOU wanna do, and who YOU wanna be and do it with some respect for yourself. also LOADS of people don't have a relationship at 20. It's not some big deal or failure. its actually pretty normal.

Bro I'm gonna be real with you here: You aren't missing out on much, besides I think teen love is a load of bullshit because it's usually not worth your time and energy to think what you could've done when you were still going through that phase in life, you're still basically young and you still have your whole life ahead of you, besides why worry about having girlfriend now since you still the freedom to do whatever you want with your life, now I'm not saying you can't be in a relationship or anything but I feel like there are better things to be concerned about then getting a GF in life. You do realize not all people in those fandoms fit into that category of stereotypes right? Even if Touhou & Warhammer 40K have fat, smiley neck-beards they don't make up the majority of the fanbase, as I have stated previously don't let people define who you are, no matter what your interests are. As long as you like something to a healthy degree than it's usually not a problem. Even though I'm not really into the idea of waifuism myself I don't see anything wrong with being attracted to fictional characters (As long as it's not to a creepy degree), though with that I said feel like I should drop this copypasta here (Even if pisses someone off): "You people don’t actually want girlfriends. You want a personified coping mechanism to materialize in your room in the shape of a girl and magically fall in love with you and fix all your problems or something idk. The fact that it’s totally devoid from conceivable reality is itself the appeal because you can keep blaming all your problems on this made up unattainable scapegoat instead of addressing the underlying issues and the fact that most of you wouldn’t be able to engage in an intimate relationship or even truly want one in actual reality. It’s kind of like girls who have romcom syndrome but more severe." That being said however, anyone can still love Touhou for it's characters but the lengths people are willing go to with them and the unhealthy obsession's behind them still disturbs me.

we all have issues, i don't believe for a second that anyone has their life figured out and you shouldn't either. and if you talk about it people will generally be sympathetic, as everyone's been on this thread, but it's not gonna help you break out of that mentality. sorry if im being cold here. just you shouldn't feel less if you need a hand. i guarantee you even the most seemingly """"successful"""" people have their fair share of skeletons in the closet.

Don't beat yourself up over it, it'll only make you feel even worse than before. I do agree with Tenkko here you should really seek a therapist, I mean I've been in therapy for months now and it's helped me in the long run so you should try looking at things from a more positive angle and try to improve your mindset. Like we said you're not a loser but you gotta understand nobody's judging you or anything you just gotta learn to ignore gossip on the internet.

somewhere around 2006-2007, i don't know exactly what the catalyst was. maybe PMiSS fueled it. i think it's just an exaggeration of her PoFV appearance, and small and angry being a common combo they also made her short. (no respect for us short kings)

I really like that first Eiki pic. Specifically the face. Kindof reminds me of Bryan Lee O'malley stuff. Edit: oh yeah this artist is incredible

Imma just say that there are much worse problems you could have than worrying about whether or not you have a GF. Be grateful for what you have, don't hyperfixate on what you don't. EDIT: I just read this bit, dude that sucks I understand the feeling. I'm so glad most places in my country are no longer doing online learning.

i know you are venting but you should really talk this out with a therapist if it's bothering you that much. don't mean that in a bad way just, that's the only way you're gonna get real help if you need it. i second pretty much everything StrongDrunkenChild said, specially that you are dangerously close to falling for incel rhetoric.

Both of you are bringing up very good points. So, to put it like this: - while I was in school, getting a GF was like my very last concern; I was way too busy trying to give my best and learn - when I was in like the 7th grade, I got my first crush for a girl - almost a year older, but both of us were colleagues for some private classes - after almost an entire year of being hesitant, I decided to finally tell her what I feel - in short, it did not end well, as it went into basically her leaving the conversation under the pretext of "I am busy, need to solve something" - we have never spoken since - in high school, I continued to be just as interested in learning, even with whatever BS the teachers throw at you (Romanian education system, oh you magnificent being) - colleagues around me started asking me why I am not bothering with getting a GF (I was already 16-17), and my simple answer was "I do not feel bothered to do so" - in the end, I got at best to be good friend with some of the girls in my class who helped me a lot especially after I moved up to make my accommodation easier, and at least got myself a group of friends - whenever I was looking at a girl and was thinking "she looks good", most of the time it happened that she already had a partner - actually, one girl apparently got a crush on me; however, she was two years younger (I was in the 11th grade, and she was a fresh(wo)man), and the whole thing was shared - I was fine with her as simply a buddy I could talk to about matters like history (unlike other girls, she really seemed to be curious to learn new things, and wanted to find out about the history of the town - she was coming from another place when we met) - what initially started as me giving her history meditations ended u as totally not dates, which I realized way too late - when she wanted to pull her move, and I was still too oblivious to what she was intending to do, especially since I was not really interested, we had an argument, and did not speak to each other for more than half a year - afterwards, I was told that I basically dodged a bullet with her as she was apparently a bit out of her mind; but I think it was better for both of us as in the end I got well over high school, and she moved again, this time managing to achieve one of her dreams (publishing a book she kept telling me about) [Intermission - how 2020, the pandemic and 2 months of lockdown have messed my mind] - in the late autumn of 2019, I got my first graphic novel - I really liked the story, but the main attraction for me was the protagonist - a Russian immigrant girl called Anya - I though she looks cute (really liked the design), then after a while I started asking myself in disgust if I got my first fictional crush (apparently, this is a thing in the United States, and t happens to kids when watching cartoons?) - ever since, I also got such a feeling while in the quarantine that was early 2020 related to a character called Tari from the web series Meta Runner - combined with the loneliness and lack of proper contact with others until the lockdown was over, I start to think whether any serious change took place in my mind at the time (it was also that I recently turned 18, merely a few days after lockdown started) - in the end, I found Touhou towards the end of 2020, and ever since I am stuck into this rabbit whole of a series filled with cute or badass designs and tons of awesome fan-art - now that I got into my first year of college, I started to feel more and more alone and isolated from anyone else - online courses seem to be dragging on and on, and I cannot meet anyone as everyone from my generation has left the town - I would go visit them, but that would mean a 4 (now 5 or more) hours commute from my small province town to Bucharest, the capital - it just made me feel more and more alone, as I really miss going out with people and having a chat - to make it worse, my best friend, who I really used to spend a lot of time with, is no longer an option; nowadays, I am lucky if we manage to chat once a week, as he is also very busy with preparing his own entrance at university (Medicine, so a lot of stress), and wants to make sure he will pass the entry exams; therefore, no more time to chat with me and his generation friends (he is one year younger) So yeah, this is a bit more of a proper content about what is going on with me. And why I feel like not very sure what I actually want, what I feel/impulse that I want, and what I am actually missing. And seeing messages and discussions that basically my whole way of living is wrong does not help at all. Like I felt perfectly fine until now with how I am and what I prefer to focus on, but it feels like a sudden change has taken place and made me reconsider my values and things I like. As on the whole matter of "waifus" and whatever since I originally said liking Touhou might be like a women-repellant thing (especially since it is not like I was called a weeb for liking Touhou, despite me never having watched an anime or read a manga in my life), I got to remember about this little thing I was reading a couple years ago on 1d4chan:

i don't like the boob jokes but i don't mind her being a bit more unhinged for funnies. height is irrelevant. (YES iganashi's eiki is great. very leggy)

canonically eiki is supposedly almost as tall as komachi

I think when it comes to fanart depictions of Eiki, probably one of my favorite is the one created by Iganashi1. There's just something I like a lot about his version of the Yama. Link for the artist: https://twitter.com/Iganashi1?s=20&t=gqtQgGsPsZJ4dEnLS3HTPg

It feels like ages since I've posted something here (or even made posts in general for that matter, although that isn't really the case so much). I plan to remedy that soon. Anyway here have some musics.

I think in my opinion it was stems from Phantasmagoria of Flower View or more specifically how ZUN drew her in said game. My guess is that the art is so unfitting to look like an adult that people mistook her for a kid, this can also explain why she looks the way she does in grimoire of Marisa, the artists of the manga thought the same thing. Though this does beg a question, who's the tallest touhou character