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Posted (edited)

Brief Introduction:

Hm... So, i haven't been in the forum for months, and the reason is because i've been doing a lot on my personal life such as developing new personal relations and also working on myself, but before all that progress i had in my life, i went through the hardest times i could ever think of: the loneliness

I'm an introvert, so i usually like to be alone, but it changes when it comes to feel alone

I always loved to have my own time, thanks to that i discovered touhou and other things that made me happier, such as doing physical exercises and playing games, also thanks to that i found this forum where i did share a lot of my personal experiences and also opinions

Since i disappeared, some people such as @CountVonNumenor asked what happened and if i was going to come back, and well, i'm not sure tbh, i found this forum cuz i wanted to share the few experiences i lived and also to know more about touhou, but in the transition between 2022 and 2023 my life changed completely, since i started dealing with several problems and also, with the loneliness feeling

My experience with loneliness:

So, since past year i've been talking to a girl which had several problems about health and her personal life, once she was a cocaine user and also a depression victim, but since i met her she changed, at least most of the time, she didn't use drugs or cut herself (due to her problems), it was life her life changed, even the subjects we used to talk about changed and instead of talking about negative stuff, we started talking about life and good things such as travels and etc

Well, that was what i thought, this year she met another guy, but instead of trying to help her like i was trying to do, he did support her on all the shit she used to do, she even went to his house to smoke weed and have sex, and i didn't care at all, since it's her life and she can do what she wanted to

I started to get away from her because she started saying weird stuff and asking me out, but i never wanted a relationship with her, and plus, some months ago she was having sex with another guy with the same problems as her, so why should i accept someone like that? Anyway, for some reason, i used to feel calm when she was near to me, but not because i loved her or smth, it's just because she was my only friend on work, once everyone went away from me since i started to meet up with her

After some time she completely stopped to talk to me and blocked me on some places, and it made me get into a prison inside of my mind, i started to have a strong anxiety because i felt completely switched, i didn't have nobody to talk to, several times i did take my phone during the day to see if someone sent me a message or something, and nothing

But then my friends tried to talk back to me, which didn't work, i got accustomed with being lonely, but i was still sad, so what i wanted at all?

I wanted her company, i became a emotional dependant on her while she was hanging out with several friends who did the same drugs as her and had the same weird ideas as her

And it made me notice what loneliness feels like, isn't just being alone, isn't just about not having nobody to count with, but yes about being in a prison inside of your head, a prison where you're feed with negative thoughts and self-devaluation, when you can't think about nothing aside from the problems in your life and when all you think of is about yourself and about how pathetic is your situation, thinking about how some kind of miracle would solve everything and make you get back to feel the way you used to when you were happier

Nowadays, i'm with new friends and i don't have this feeling anymore, at least not at a very destructive point, i started dating again and now i have a way better life, but the first point to get better, was recognizing what i was feeling, and well, i know several people go through the same, and that's why i'll talk more about it now

Loneliness:

Well, being lonely isn't something that happens suddenly, but yes something that you only notice when it's already in it's extreme point, nothing is never enough at all, you feel alone even if there's people who would talk to you if you needed, you can't just ignore it because it will always get inside of your mind, when you lay down on your bed and look at the ceiling while thinking a lot about your life for example, when you're frequently feeling yourself empty and without value to others

It is certainly worse when you really don't have nobody who cares about you, and well, due to that, several people end up developing depression and other problems, but a problem which always happen even if you have or not somebody who care about you, is the anxiety

Being lonely causes a lot of anxiety, once you're frequently waiting for someone to send you a message or show some kind of interest on you, when you don't know what's wrong about you that apparently is making people get away and give up on having a talk with you, when you're thinking so much about the wrong points in yourself that you can't even work/study well, when you're always trying to find or receive something which can be a way to solve your problems

And well, being lonely can end up making of you a true vegetable, which don't have any perspective of future and don't try to get better, and it can destroy completely someone, since those people can end up trying to be someone else instead of trying to be someone better

I'm writing this because, nowadays, i opened my eyes about all this situation, and i can see a lot of people dealing with this same problem, and having no idea about how to solve it, i can't give a solution though, since the way i found to get better was forcing myself into new people till i found my friends i have now, and as much as i can recommend that, i'd say, everybody will always find their ways to solve their own problems

Loneliness is literally killing people, and i say that not just because i had suicidal thoughts during that time, but also because i see a lot of people doing the same, and i did see people who actually did commit suicide due to this

Please, take care of yourselves and try doing therapy or going to a psychologist, i'm not a doctor or a therapist, but yes one of the several people who already went through all that, and i don't desire this feeling not even for my worst enemy

Maybe your problem can even be more serious, like depression or something, so, yeah, you should look for medical help if you identify with what i wrote, since i just got worse when i didn't look for this kind of professional help, i could get better alone, but this situation isn't the same for everyone

See y'all someday! =D

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Edited by _.Mevs
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Posted

Hey @_.Mevs. You won’t recognize me, even if I’ve seen your name now and then here. You left a couple months before I came onto the scene, and seem like a fun guy. I’m glad things have gotten better for you. Everyone has had their moments of weakness, but that is scant comfort when you are living through them in the moment. If you come back, I hope to get to know you. If you don't, I hope life is kind to you.

 

Take it easy king.

  • Like 5
Posted (edited)

I would have liked to leave a reply this evening, but it seems like it got late in the night, and what I was going to write would have been rather lengthy. I hope I can get back to is as soon as possible, and actually write what I wanted to say. This whole thread has hit way too close to home, and it reminds me too much of things that either happened or are happening to me right now. That entire feeling of loneliness is way too relatable, and I have also been fighting myself (a feelingly losing battle) against it. 

Edited by CountVonNumenor
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Posted

It seems a lot of people are lonely these days. The reason I'm lonely is simple: I was bullied with physical violence all the way up until high school. I never learned to socialize. To this day I'm subconsciously expecting every conversation with a random stranger to end in a fist fight.

I've tried mental health professionals. They're a waste of time, and money if they try to prescribe you anything. The truth is the functional human behavior when lacking the belonging need is to feel bad. The actual definition of insanity is when a mind doesn't match the environment. If you're alone and think you're the Queen of England, see a psychiatrist. If you're alone and feel sad, your mind is adequately assessing the situation and the psychiatrist can't fix you because you aren't broke.

As for keeping yourself alive, hatred is an underrated emotion. Unlike love, you don't need another person in your life to hate. So a functional reason to live is to think of the people who set up the loneliness epidemic in the first place, realize they probably want you to commit suicide or even worse sperg out and try to take people with you in some act of violence. Hate those people and live to spite them.

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Posted

Hey Mevs, It's been a while. I was wondering where you were this whole time, but now that I've read your post I can understand where you're coming from.

While I don't have a lot to say, I certainly suffered from loneliness and anxiety to the point where it was slowly driving me to the point of madness and it almost ruined my life completely, that was one of the many reasons why I was seeking therapy to begin with. The amount of days and nights I've spent all alone was truly painful to me since I moved out of my dad's house which was toxic as fuck to in, I'm honestly glad I don't live with him anymore. Lemme just say: Seeking therapy was one of the best life decisions I have ever made and it made my life significantly better. I may not have a lot of friends (or any at all) and sure I don't trust some people nowadays but I'm honestly doing much better than I was back then. I'm just glad you're doing alright, hope everything works out for you.

Cheers, mate.

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Posted

Hello Mevs, I'm certain you don't recognize me as I joined after you left. Congratulations on starting to figure out something was wrong.
Loneliness can be brutal, we thrived as a species thanks to our collaborative nature, and we are hardwired to seek connections.

The best, practical advice I can give is the following: Stay Busy and Love Yourself.
Find things to fill the void left by that toxic relationship, try to focus on things that don't have destructive potential, like eating a lot or spending unhealthy amounts of time devoted to entertainment.

Learn things, find new people, create something, do exercise, anything that makes you enjoy life and don't get overly focused on the negative parts.

 

Enjoy! Life is a gift!
From reading the other responses, I can say, We are here to cheer you up.

  • Like 5
Posted

Brother First of all Good to hear you are doing better then before

I too used to feel exactly like you, even though I could get along well with mostly anyone, it was when I had nothing to do and was alone that the same thoughts you described started to creep into my mind. Where I live, there is a saying the empty mind is the Devils Mind.

A lot of the things you described I have also experienced, although it was difficult for me an still is (to an extent) to express my feelings because you could say 'I am bad at emotions'.

I am fully confident in you :KoishiXD:

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Posted (edited)

Hello.

 

I started to suffer with loneliness when i was 22. It was 2019, 4 years later after my high school days reach its end. Always when i remember about that time, i feel very nostalgic plus lonely. Everyday i was doing something with my friends, it was so good, and after we all graduate, we all stapped seeing everyone more frequently. Also on general i miss getting affection from my parents, but i dont have any courage to go and ask for a hug or anything. For some time ive cried because of that, the feeling of loneliness really hurts.

Good to see that you're taking care of yourself and going well! All the best.

Edited by IzayoiSkylake
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Posted

I made an account for this discussion. I feel lonely in a way where I am happy. I don't have regret since I am young but I feel like I can focus on my self. I feel happy and independent and I feel like I have 100% control of my life. One thing that makes me more happy is seeing other people improve them self to a point where they are happy with there life. There is something wholesome about that I can not put my finger on it.

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Posted
20 hours ago, Cirno-frog9 said:

I made an account for this discussion. I feel lonely in a way where I am happy. I don't have regret since I am young but I feel like I can focus on my self. I feel happy and independent and I feel like I have 100% control of my life. One thing that makes me more happy is seeing other people improve them self to a point where they are happy with there life. There is something wholesome about that I can not put my finger on it.

Understandable. Being happy is quite a good thing to have, my friend

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